Drifting Away, Part 8

The next morning dawned clear and cold and much, much too early for Filia's taste. She groaned in protest as a shaft of sunlight struck her directly in the eyes, setting off a throbbing ache in her skull and bringing to her attention the fact that her mouth tasted like something had crawled into it, made itself at home for a number of years, then died unexpectedly. She grimaced. Oh, great. A hangover. The perfect way to start another lovely, Thing-infested day, she thought with grim cheerfulness.

She stirred, managing to move enough to shake Xellos' shoulder. "Mwakeup, Xell's," she managed to mumble.

Something moved across her darkened vision, blocking out the offensive light, and Filia was finally able to pry her reluctant eyelids open, then immediately cursed and wished that she hadn't. She found herself staring directly into the smiling, pudgy countenance of the woman who ran the inn.

She was, Filia noticed after a moment, not screaming or running away. In fact, she was, Filia noticed after another few moments, still beaming and . . . holding out a breakfast tray, from which delicious and utterly nauseating smells were rising.

"Hello!" chirped the innkeeper, in a voice which made Filia wince. "I thought you two might like a little breakfast, and seeing as how you wasn't awake yet, I just thought I'd bring it up to you and leave it here for you to find. But of course, you're awake now, and Shabranigdo take me if your husband isn't still fast asleep! My, my! Well, a late start is better than no start, I always say! No doubt you'll be wantin' coffee first, before food, to judge by those empty glasses over there . . ."

Oh yeah, Filia thought, the wine. I remember now. Last night came back in bits and pieces as she listened to the woman's prattling with half an ear. Things. Gorge. Town. This lady. Xellos. Liquor. Xellos. More liquor. Drunk. Stories. Bed. Xellos. A lot of Xellos.

Filia frowned and began the tedious process of at least looking like she was going to get out of bed. She made some noncommittal responses to the woman's chatter, took the tray with a fairly heartfelt thank-you, and after some final comments about the weather, was able to get the woman to leave. Filia immediately put the tray down on the night table and flopped back down into bed with a groan. "Xellos, come on, get up already!" she complained, shaking his shoulder again.

Slowly, Xellos stirred, then groaned in an echo of what she was feeling. "Ugh! Don't tell me it's morning already!" he complained. "Forget it. I'm going back to sleep." He turned over and pulled the covers back up.

Filia sighed, finding herself in the position of having to drag him out of bed for once. "Come on, Xellos, get up! We need to get moving! We have a mission to accomplish, remember? And you said so yourself, we're already behind schedule!"

Xellos mumbled something creative about what his masters and hers could do with their stinkin' mission, he was not moving.

Filia gritted her teeth, but was horrified to find that she was mostly fondly exasperated, instead of seethingly enraged. Rats, she thought. And I can't even re-use the threat of jumping into the bed with him . . . I already am in the bed with him! The thought made her blush, but it did give her an idea.

Reaching around him, she began tracing her fingers down his chest and stomach, then grabbed his balls gently, but threateningly. "Move, or I squeeze," she told him in a menacing tone.

Xellos squeaked, then before she could react, he had flashed out and reappeared, on top of her now and pinning her hands above her head. "Naughty Filia, shouldn't make threats like that," he told her, wincing at the sunlight.

Filia flinched as his hands tightened painfully, and he saw it and let go immediately, getting up and turning away from her. She realized that he must have mistaken the cause of her wince. The Ryuuzoku smiled. Well, it was nice to see him wrong about something for once. She could remedy this easily. Standing up too, she grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled, overbalancing him and causing his rump to thump right back down on the bed. She wrapped her arms around his chest and pressed him to her.

"Silly boy," she whispered in his ear, her playful mood from the night before miraculously remaining, despite the coming of dawn. She figured that sanity would probably not rear its ugly head until her head had quit aching and her stomach had stopped churning at the very thought of food. "Are you regretting last night already?"

She felt his jolt of surprise, and he turned sharply, slipping loose of her embrace, his eyes open for once and questioning. "You . . . you still . . . you don't . . . mind?" he asked, clearly startled.

She laughed, ignoring the lance of pain it sent through her skull, and his answering wince. Gods, if I look even half as bad as he does . . .! "I wouldn't have done what I did last night if I'd thought I would regret it in the morning, drunk or not," she told him firmly, and left him sitting on the bed, totally stunned, as she went to get dressed.

He didn't move, and after a few moments, Filia started to get nervous. She turned around again after restarting the fire, holding her robe close around her. "You don't . . . mind, do you, Xellos? I know I'm out of practice . . . it's been years, but I . . . ."

He smirked, eyes closed, and didn't reply. Filia stomped her foot. "Come on, Xellos, answer me at least!"

His smile grew. "You were fine. And I don't and didn't mind at all, thank you very much."

She smiled in relief. "Well, that's good. One more question. What did you tell that innkeeper?"

Xellos grinned broadly. "I told her that we were married, and that you're pregnant, and that we're traveling through the mountains in order to get the blessing of the priest in the village where you were born, for the baby."

Filia actually laughed at him. "You're something else, you know that?"

"I know." Xellos rose, and grabbed his clothes. "Gods, I hope something on that damned tray looks like coffee," he muttered. "I think I'm going to be sick if I have to smell food for much longer!"

Filia giggled a little, already dressed and sitting down at the table. "Yep, here's coffee. How do you like yours, Xellos-kun?"

"Today? No cream, and three sugars, please."

Filia raised her eyebrows, but scooped a generous helping of sugar into his coffee. He snagged it on his way to get his cloak. "Thanks."

Fifteen minutes and a cup of strong black coffee later, Filia felt alive enough to try food. Xellos watched for a few minutes, then joined her. When she blinked at him in surprise, he shrugged. "You can't eat all of this by yourself, can you? --Well then," he replied when she shook her head, "I'll help. Did that lady send us any sweets?"

She pushed a bunch of nauseatingly sweet-looking cinnamon rolls at him, then had to look away as he ate them. After a moment, he stopped. "What?"

The Ryuuzoku shuddered. "How can you eat anything that sweet this early in the morning?"

Xellos shrugged. "Just practice, I guess. I like sweet things." He winked, and she blushed.

"You're such a tease, Xellos!" she told him, but with that edge of fondness trying to creep into her voice again.

They finished breakfast, and Filia went to the bathroom to relieve herself, brush her teeth, and wash her face. Xellos just shrugged, and wavered strangely for a moment. When he restabilized, he looked as clean and unruffled as ever. She gave a disgusted snort, and began packing things into her knapsack and her cloak. Xellos put his satchel back on, then unabashedly put the inn's silverware in it.

Filia was aghast. "Xellos! Just what on earth do you think you're doing? Put that back, right now!"

Xellos pouted. "But Filia," he whined, "for what I paid for this room and that liquor, I ought to get the silverware, the mirror, and one of the beds!"

She was adamant. "Too bad. Put the silverware back."

He pouted, but did as he was told. Filia nodded sharply. "Good. And don't worry, you still have plenty of money." She brightened. "Which reminds me--"

"Oh no," Xellos said bleakly.

"--we really ought to buy some more blankets and some other cold-weather gear . . . for me if not for you, especially if we're going to go further North."

Xellos groaned. She pretended not to notice. "And by the way, speaking of direction, which way are we going from here, Xel?"

Xellos sighed, and produced their map. He'd traced their route so far on it in pen, with circles marking certain areas, and neatly penned captions like "town where bought map", "first campsite", "valley of wraiths", and a dark, jagged line right before their current position, marked, "Really Big Gorge" in capital letters. Xellos brought out his pen and pointed to their current location, which was marked with, "small town, nice inn, very pricey".

"Okay," he said, ignoring her giggle, "this is where we are now. This---" and he made another circle, "is where that blockade was, and here--" he drew a line, "is where the road leaves the village, if that innkeeper's directions were accurate. According to her, the road curves this way---" his pen went north for a little ways, then curved westward in a long arc, then down a bit south again, further over in the mountains, "--and here---" another circle, "--there ought to be a place where she said the ‘mountain cuts off'. I think she probably means another gorge or a canyon, or maybe even a really steep, big valley, I'm not sure. Apparently, the area around there has a strong magical flux . . . at least, that's what I've been locking onto, and by a very rough estimate, what I'm sensing is probably that valley or whatever it is. I think we'll find the source of the Things is there."

"You mean we haven't just been wandering randomly? You've got some objective in mind? Well, that's a relief, I suppose," the Ryuuzoku sighed. "Is the road the only way to get to the valley?" Filia asked, peering at the rough map.

"I'm guessing it is, unless you find the idea of a few weeks of grueling backcountry hiking appealing, Fi- chan," Xellos said cheerfully.

Filia made a face. "I'd rather not."

"Then we have to take the road. Come on then, let's get your shopping done, get some food supplies, and get out of here. We should try to make at least a few miles today."

Filia made another face. "If you know where this place is, can't you just teleport us there?" she complained.

"Without knowing what we'd find there?" Xellos replied mildly. "I could, but I wouldn't. I don't particularly want to die if I don't have to."

"Heroics have never been your thing, no," Filia responded dryly, and stood up, looking longingly at the remaining bottles of liquor. She sighed regretfully. "Too bad we can't take any of that wine with us, it was pretty good stuff. . . . Oh well. We made a good dent in it at least." Her hangover had receded a bit, although she still had a bit of a headache. Xellos seemed as cheerful as ever, though there were faint, faint smudges under his eyes that hadn't been there before.

Xellos was ready to go while Filia was still wrestling to adjust her cloak and her pack comfortably, so he told her he was going to go find out the best place to buy blankets, from the innkeeper, and left the room. As Filia tugged at her cloak, biting her lip to resist the urge to curse at it, she heard his voice, raised in surprise, from the hallway, and two other voices answered him. Filia froze, an electric shock rippling all up and down her spine. That voice . . . . No, it couldn't be, could it? No way . . . .

The door slammed open, and a too-familiar figure bounded into the room. "Hey there, Filia, long time no see!"

Filia finally got her cloak on straight and did her best to smile politely, although it was tough. The last person on earth I wanted to have show up here . . . ! "Hello, Lina."

"Miss Lina, I'm really not sure this is such a good idea," Xellos was protesting, back full-force into his usual guise as the Trickster Priest. "After all, these Things are very different from the enemies you've fought in the past, and are making quite a lot of trouble, so---"

"Oh, come on," Lina interrupted him. The intervening years hadn't changed her looks much at all, and it was almost eerie to see in a human . . . But then, seeing that amount of power corked into such a petite form had always been more than a little bit unsettling. Lina looked about twenty, and her outfit was different, but otherwise she hadn't changed. She seemed a little more restless, a little more . . . dangerous, was the only word Filia could think of . . . and oh yeah, her hair was a darker red, closer to the ruby of her eyes. . . . Or to blood, Filia thought privately.

Lina Inverse paced up and down a small portion of the room, arms crossed. "The only way those Things can give you any trouble is if you get caught by them, and I'm not stupid enough to let that happen!" she responded with her typical casual arrogance.

"I didn't imply that you were," Xellos said hurriedly. "I just don't really think it's a good idea for the two of you to come along, that's all."

"You brought her," Lina retorted, pointing at Filia.

Filia's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me, Miss Lina, don't talk about me as if I'm not here! And Xellos didn't have a choice about bringing me along, he had to have a Ryuuzoku with him to balance his magical signature out, and I was chosen to do so. Furthermore, without a similar canceling aura for you---and I can't think of a race that Humans are the opposite of, like Ryuuzoku and Mazoku---we can't risk taking you with us. You'll draw every Thing in the entire mountains right to us, like a tuna in a room full of hungry cats!"

Lina grinned at her. "No problem. I already thought of that." When Filia looked skeptical, Lina ran one hand through her hair, tossing it back. "How do you think I got this far?" she asked airily.

Xellos was silent, so Filia was forced to ask, "How'd you do it?"

She grinned again. "Simple, Filia. I've used so much chaos magic in my life that a Dragon's aura will cancel mine out. Hence, my traveling companion." She raised her voice. "Hey, Val! Quit hiding and come say hello to your Mommy!"

Filia almost threw up her breakfast in consternation, but then her old, mothering instincts kicked in. She stood up and faced Lina squarely. "You. Brought. My. Son. Here. You actually brought Val here with you. Have you gone completely insane, Lina Inverse?"

The biggest nightmare of all her parenting years walked, or rather, slunk into the room, slouching in a style familiar to the mothers of teen boys of every race.

"Yo, ma," Valtierra said, waving casually. "Um, nice to see you. Hey, Xellos. What's up? When do we get to start kicking ass?"

Filia was personally surprised by how calm she felt, but she could tell that it was a false calm, that she was about to go completely hysterical in about ten seconds. But still, her voice was remarkably level when she said, "Valtierra Ul Copt. Stand up straight, don't slouch, mind your language, and go home right this instant."

"I can't! Lina asked me to come! I can't just leave her!"

"So take her with you. Get yourselves grafted together at the hip for all I care. Just go home."

"No way!" He crossed his arms over his chest and looked . . . like a stubborn, particularly muscular twelve-year-old. Only he was sixty-odd years old, and had no time for his mother anymore.

Damn him for it. I don't want to lose two sons out of this!

Lina unconsciously echoed the stance, only from her it looked vaguely like she was getting ready to spring. "You got that right," she said, glaring steadily at Filia. "I am not leaving. At least I'll be useful." Oh, now that hurts! "Why, you---"

"Enough! Stop this, all of you!" Xellos spoke up abruptly, for the first time in quite a while. Everyone turned to look at him. His eyes were closed, but he was most definitely not smiling. "None of you are of any particular use to me, and I would just as soon have done this on my own. However, since you are all here, I suppose you're going to have to come along."

Lina started to speak, and he opened his eyes and glared her into silence. "However, this is not a reunion, or an adventure, and there is going to be one big, fundamental difference between this journey and our past travels together." He trailed off, and Lina took the bait. "Oh yeah? What difference would that be, Xellos?"

Xellos stood up abruptly and slammed his palms down on the table. Everyone, even Lina, jumped back a pace from the anger in his eyes. "This time," he said, with deadly seriousness, "I am in charge. I am the one guiding you, guarding your sleep, and hopefully keeping you alive and in reasonably good health, with all magical abilities and body parts intact. Therefore, you will all do exactly as I say, when I say to do it. No arguments. Is that agreed? Because if anyone doesn't like it, I will be quite happy to leave them here. Possibly in pieces. Is that quite clear?"

He looked at them one by one. Val looked away and nodded, Filia said quietly, "You had my agreement days ago, Xellos." Lina stared at him for several long moments before finally looking away and shrugging. "Sure, whatever. Lead on." Filia shuddered.

Later on, walking next to Xellos, she asked quietly, "What in the world is wrong with Lina?"

Xellos kept his head down, apparently intent upon their path. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"She's changed. She was always a bit mercenary, but . . . not like this. She's . . ." Like a Mazoku, Filia thought, but wisely decided not to say it.

"Gourry died a few years ago, didn't you know?" Xellos replied, his head still down. "After that, from what I heard, she started using the Nightmare Magic again, much less responsibly than before, and with much less care for the consequences to herself. As a result, it's slowly burning out her soul. Every time she uses it now, without care, without thought, she loses a little more of herself." His voice was totally flat; emotionless. He might as well have been reading out of a textbook, an article on someone long dead and gone, not alive and walking about ten paces behind them. "At this rate, Lina Inverse won't exist in another few years, at most."

"You mean she'll die?"

"I didn't say that." He stopped abruptly. "Don't ask me stupid questions, Filia. Go bother somebody else for a change," he said irritably, then stalked off ahead again.

Filia stared, then shook her head and dropped back to walk somewhere between Xellos and the rest of their little group, unwilling to talk to either Lina Inverse or to her own recalcitrant adopted son.

They camped early that evening, for night fell very quickly in the mountains. They were able to find another empty cave, and managed somehow to keep Lina from eating all their supplies in one meal. Filia kindled a small, dry fire that smoked very little, and she, Val, and Lina huddled around it as they ate. Xellos wandered off. He'd been moody and snappish all day, and only Filia could hazard a guess why, and as it turned out, she was right, although she spoke her guess to no-one. Still, with the ruddy light of the fire on her, Lina looked unchanged from the way she had been some sixty-something years ago. Xellos had taken one look at her, gotten up, and left without speaking.

After dinner, while Val and Lina set up tents, Filia went to look for Xellos. She found him sitting by himself a little ways from the cave, staring off into space. She hesitated, then approached him as quietly as she could.

"You shouldn't be so far from the cave," she said quietly, sitting down next to him. He turned his head slightly in her direction, then looked the opposite way, silent.

Filia sighed, and tried again. "We're all getting ready to turn in, Xel. You should come back now."

"What are you doing out here, Filia?" he asked her abruptly, totally ignoring everything she'd said.

Filia was momentarily taken aback. "I was looking for you."

He finally turned towards her, but she couldn't see his expression in the darkness. "Why?" he asked, his voice unreadable.

Filia stopped again, blinking, and considered her reply carefully. She really didn't know Xellos very well . . . heck, she was only now starting to really know him at all, so it was difficult to tell how to proceed on dangerous ground. If she angered him or touched his pride, Filia knew that he'd clam up and she'd never be able to get anything out of him. On the other hand, his behavior of the previous night seemed to indicate to her that there might be some things that he was almost desperate to talk about . . . but that his pride, again, kept him from mentioning. The Ryuuzoku sighed.

"I was worried," she said finally. "You've not been acting like yourself today, and we really do need your guidance and your help if we're going to succeed . . . and even more so if we want to live long enough to enjoy our success. Besides which, I'm . . . I'd like to consider us friends, Xellos."

He laughed once, bitterly, then fell silent and remained silent almost as long as Filia had. Filia wondered what was going through his mind. At last, he spoke. "Friends, Filia? With a Mazoku? You really have changed, haven't you!"

She narrowed her eyes at him, stung. "People change, Xellos. It happens all the time."

He laughed again. "Truism. But still, I never expected that you, of all people, would ever consider me a friend!"

Filia stood up, angry. "You know what, Xellos, if you're going to be a jerk, then just forget it, okay? Just forget I ever said a word! You can go back to your damn sulk now, nobody else has any problems to worry about! But hey, Mazoku aren't supposed to care about anyone or anything except themselves, so I guess you're doing just fine in that department, aren't you?" She turned to leave.

"Filia--!" Xellos called out in a distressed tone, but she pretended not to hear.

Back inside the cave, Lina drafted Val to stand guard for the first half of the night. The young Dragon surprisingly did as she told him without arguing, prompting Filia to joke weakly to Lina, "Hey, where were you when I was raising him?"

They had two tents, and since Lina announced that she would stand guard the latter part of the night, because she didn't need much sleep anyway. Filia could have Val's tent, and Lina would sleep the early part of the night in her own, then trade off with the green-haired dragon. Filia was too tired and grateful to argue. She cast one last, searching look into the darkness before she closed her tent, but could not see Xellos. The Ryuuzoku sighed, a little bit regretfully, and got into her brand-new sleeping bag and her blankets.

She woke up again about an hour or two later, when Xellos opened the tent flap. "Filia? Are you still awake?" he asked, entering and shutting the tent flap behind him. Filia buried her head underneath her pillow. "Go away," she told him coldly.

"Filia, I'm . . . sorry."

The simple admission surprised her so much that she flipped over to look at him. "What?"

"You heard me," he said quietly, but without anger.

Filia leveled a long look at him. "It's all right," she said finally. She smiled a little bit, knowing what he was unwilling to ask. "I think you should stay here tonight," she told him, "and I won't take ‘no' for an answer, either. Get undressed and get over here, and you can prove to me just how ‘sorry' you really are." She grinned.

Slowly, he smiled, although not much of it reached his eyes. "Thank you, Filia-chan. I think I will do that. It is a bit lonesome out there all by myself," he conceded.

She smirked, and unzipped her sleeping bag, showing him a peek of naked, pale skin. "I thought you'd be here sooner or later," she said smugly, and he undressed, and joined her, making love to her with a single-minded passion that caught her up and melted all her misgivings away.

Much, much later, almost certainly well past midnight, Filia woke up again, disturbed. At first, she couldn't place what had woken her, but then her mind kicked in again and she realized that Xellos was shaking.

She turned to him and put her arms around him. "Xellos?" she whispered softly, but got no reply. He was still asleep. The Mazoku continued to shake, and it was only then that Filia noticed that his cheeks were wet. He was crying in his sleep. Xellos was actually crying. Feeling sympathetic tears spring to her own eyes, Filia gathered him up more tightly, careful not to wake him, and held him, lightly rubbing his back, for a long, long time, before his silent tears finally stopped and he slipped back into a deeper sleep. He never woke up. She never woke him, and Filia fell back asleep still holding him tightly.

What woke Filia the next morning was the raucous, and mortified cry of, "Oh my God! MOM!!!" Filia turned her head and opened her eyes to find Val crouching in the doorway to the tent, aghast, his eyes wide and his jaw halfway to the floor. The young Dragon was totally scarlet as he yelled, "What the HELL are you doing in my tent?!!"

"Mind your language," she told him sleepily.

"Mom!! You're lying in my tent, in the nude, being very friendly with Xellos Metallium, for the gods' sakes, and you're worried about my language??!" he screeched, still bright red.

Filia checked to make sure she was adequately covered, then rolled over. "Valtierra, get away from the tent flap, you're letting in the cold air and I don't really think you need to be standing there and gawking. Go and light a fire, or gather wood, or cook breakfast, or something useful, all right?"

Her adopted son opened and closed his mouth a few times, like a fish, but then left without saying anything. The tent flap fell shut, and Filia rolled back over into the warmth of Xellos and her sleeping bag to doze for just a little while longer.

She had barely gotten to shut her eyes, however, when she felt Xellos stir. He raised his head a little bit.

"What was that all about?" he asked, his voice husky from sleep.

"Oh, just Valtierra throwing a fit," Filia mumbled. "He thinks of his Mom as an old lady, and therefore according to him I'm not allowed to have any fun or do anything out of the ordinary."

She felt his hand stroke her hair, and he lay back down. "Mm. Not important, then. What time is it, Filia-chan?"

She felt herself smile at the nickname. "About dawn, I think. Why?"

"Good. That means we can sleep a little bit longer."

"Or play," she suggested, trying to sound like it wasn't that big a deal.

She opened her eyes in time to catch his smile. "Not a bad idea either. Which shall it be, Filia? I leave the choice to you."

She kissed his cheek, then his neck, making him smile again and wrinkle his nose cutely. "How gallant of you! I think I want to play. My body remembers you perfectly well, and I think it wants another dose," she said playfully.

He half-smiled again. "You're gonna get pregnant if we keep fooling around like this, Fi-chan," Xellos warned. "What will you do then?"

Filia shrugged. "I don't think it'll happen under these conditions, Xellos. If we keep this up, and it does happen, then hooray, I have a mini-Xellos to try and keep out of trouble," she remarked dryly. "Besides, who says Mazoku and Ryuuzoku can even crossbreed? I don't think there's ever been an instance of it in the entire history of our world. Our two races are so different, maybe we aren't even compatible. I didn't even know that Mazoku reproduce in the regular fashion."

Xellos blinked at her. "What did you think we do, Filia, divide?"

She blushed. "Uh . . . well . . . sorta. Mazoku society doesn't seem to have . . . family bonds, you know?"

He sat up on one elbow. "Most Mazoku are pretty much asexual," he admitted. "Some of the higher levels, myself included, do have a definite sexuality, though of course we can change it if we wish. Mazoku can interbreed with each other, humans, and even a few of the other races quite well, so I don't know why Dragons would be a problem. In my experience, if two people of different races are alike enough to desire each other sexually, and they . . . fit together . . . all right, then they can probably reproduce."

Filia shrugged. "You'd know, I guess. You're only my second partner," she admitted, blushing, and had the rare satisfaction of seeing his jaw drop in surprise.

"Are you serious??"

She blushed again, and looked away. "I was a priestess, for heaven's sake, Xellos. They do not let us out much. Besides, I really . . . I'm not . . . I went to my wedding night a virgin, and I was faithful to my husband."

"What about after he died? It was three years, I don't see how you could have managed to stay celibate with a libido like the one you've demonstrated on me!" Oddly enough, he didn't sound condescending, mean, or even smug . . . just curious.

His remark made her blush again, however. "There wasn't anyone I wanted up until now," she said quietly, looking away.

He was silent for a moment, for which she was glad, then he kissed her, for which she was even more glad, and they didn't talk much for awhile. However, Filia found that she was unable to enjoy even this, because just as they were really starting to get into it, the rhythmic thrusting that she liked the best of all, the tent flap opened again.

Filia groaned in disappointment as she saw Lina crouching there. Xellos saw who it was and mouthed a word Filia had never seen him use before. "Hello, Lina," he said tiredly, not bothering to roll away from Filia. There was no point, Lina had obviously seen all that she needed to.

Lina recovered quickly. "Wow! Hi there, Filia! I was just going to check on you to see if you knew where Xellos was, but I can see that you do, so I'll leave you two alone." She sounded angry and cold, and Filia felt Xellos stiffen.

Lina went on, her eyes shining with a malicious enjoyment, her darkened hair like a fall of blood in the light of the sunrise. "Boy, so you actually managed to sleep with Filia. Good going, Xel! Did you trick her somehow? It wouldn't be a surprise, especially considering what you told me to try and get me in the sack! Boy, you'll stoop to anything, won't you?"

Xellos flinched as though he had been struck, but he responded in an equally icy tone. "My my, Miss Lina, how highly you think of me! You certainly haven't lost any of your charm while you're losing your soul, have you? Tell me, did Gourry take his own life to get away from you, or did he finally just get too old and slow to keep dodging your enemies?!"

Her face twisted into a snarl of rage. "Go to hell, you bastard!" she yelled, then stomped off. Xellos watched the tent flap fall shut, then turned back around, his eyes tightly closed and his face tight. He was shaking. "I don't really feel much like playing anymore, Filia," he told her in a low voice, and she stroked his hair.

"It's all right," she told him, and he pulled out and lay back down beside her. He looked as though he wanted to disappear, but knew that he could not risk doing so. She smiled wryly at him, then pulled him into her arms. "No, you don't get to escape yet," she told him.

Xellos made a small motion, as though trying to pull away, but she had a Ryuuzoku's strength, and the action had been half-hearted, so she kept him there. In a moment, he sighed, and put his arms around her in return. Filia tried to repress her automatic feeling of triumph, and must have failed, for he shot her a look of mingled anger and wry amusement, then sighed again. After another moment, he relaxed into her embrace, moving deeper into the covers and pulling her with him so that he could lean his head on her breast. He whispered something, something she didn't catch, and kissed her breast.

She smiled at him. "What was that?" she asked.

For a moment, he actually looked on the verge of telling her, then shook his head. "Never mind, Filia. It wasn't important."

They held him for a little while longer, then Filia decided to drop the bomb. "What did you dream about last night, Xellos?" She asked quietly, surreptitiously adjusting her hold so that he wouldn't be able to get away easily.

He seemed half-asleep, almost. "Last night?" he asked sleepily. "Last night I dreamed about . . ." He snapped alert again and raised his head. "Why do you want to know?" Xellos asked, sounding suddenly guarded.

Filia decided not to go for the direct approach. "I woke up in the middle of the night, and you seemed to be having a bad dream, that's all."

Xellos relaxed a little bit. "Yeah, I had some bad dreams."

"What about?"

He went guarded again. "About nothing important, all right? Just leave it be." He sounded angry now, so Filia decided not to press him any further.

"All right, all right," she soothed him, and stroked his hair again, and eventually got him to lie back down. After awhile, she began to stroke his back, then his sides, then she began to kiss him. When her lips found his, he responded passionately, and soon they were continuing the activities Lina had interrupted. He rolled to lie on top of her, and soon she was trying to urge him on even faster as he rocked against her in a frantic rhythm. He cried out, lips pressed tightly together, as he came, and Filia was no more than a heartbeat behind him. They basked in the afterglow for awhile, holding each other tightly, then Xellos separated himself from her and began to dress without a word.

For some reason, his silence hurt Filia more than she'd expected. She was suddenly filled with the conviction that when Xellos was holding her, he was imagining Lina. She was nothing but a toy, a surrogate. Anyone would have done the trick. But then . . . wasn't that how she was using him? Filia bit her lip, distracted and confused. She'd thought Xellos would be a . . . a little fling on her part, a way to release some of her frustration and her tension, but . . . it somehow hadn't turned out that way. Somehow it had meant more to her than it should have. Somehow she . . . cared. The thought frightened her. Xellos got up and left silently, and Filia burst into tears.

It was a very subdued little group that eventually made its way out of the cave and back onto the path they were following. Val seemed in disgusted shock, Lina was still stewing angrily over Xellos' earlier comments, Xellos was up ahead as far as he could safely go, and staying there, and Filia was mostly just stumbling along, staring at the ground directly past her feet, hurt and confused. Why did she care for Xellos? When had it started? She had hated him as much as ever at the beginning of all this . . . hadn't she? On the other hand, if that was the case, then why hadn't she objected when the Elders picked her to accompany him? She had never been particularly revenge-minded, and she certainly didn't feel she owed her former masters anything, after the way she had been treated, and saving the world had lost its glow for her, so that left only one reason why she was here now. She'd wanted to see Xellos. That had to be it. And now . . . Filia looked at him, striding along ahead of them, so damned cocksure of himself, always so distant and secretive . . . he angered her beyond belief, but . . . . Filia realized that she loved him, knew he still loved Lina Inverse, and promptly started crying again.

She stopped dead in the roadside, covering her face with her hands as she sobbed. She heard Val curse, Lina groaned, and Xellos' footsteps stopped. Unable to help it, Filia sank to her knees, and continued to cry. Val cursed again, and both he and Lina hurried over. Filia wanted to cry on someone's shoulder, but she couldn't very well do that with her son, and she certainly didn't feel like turning to Lina for comfort, so that left . . .

She looked up. Xellos was standing there, looking down at her. For a moment, she thought he was going to reach out to her. He looked conflicted, his eyes open for a moment, then he closed them again and looked away. "Great," the Mazoku said. "Another delay."

Filia's insides went cold, and all her hurt froze instantly into anger. Tears still running down her face, she stood up again, surprising all of them. She looked Xellos right in the eye, her hands balling into fists.

"Keep. Moving." she said icily.

He hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and turned away. "If you say so," he said indifferently, and started walking again.

"Hey! Wha--" Lina began, but Filia whirled and silenced her with a look. Val looked unsure.

"Come on!" Filia snapped. "We haven't got all day!"

She was still pounding mad when they made camp that night. The Ryuuzoku had spent the entire day walking in an icy, raging silence. She wanted Xellos to know how mad she was, and didn't even care if he was feeding off her, which he almost certainly was. She volunteered to take first sentry duty, and Lina agreed, since Xellos had been quiet all day as well. When Lina looked at him for confirmation, he just shrugged.

Filia sat down at her post, staring out past the small fire she'd kindled, into the darkness beyond the circle of light. She didn't know how far along they were, or how close to their goal, for Xellos would not say, not even when pressed sharply by Lina. Filia shivered, and huddled deeper into her warm cloak.

She was beginning to have trouble staying awake, and her shift was almost over, when she heard footsteps approaching. She whirled, to find Xellos there, standing just within the circle of light cast by her fire. He stood silently, passive, watching her. She glared at him for a long moment, then turned away. "What do you want?" she asked him curtly.

Xellos sighed, and stepped closer. "Are we really back to this again, Filia? I just wanted to talk to you."

"Well I don't want to talk to you, Xellos Metallium! Go talk to Lina."

"Lina hates me."

"What makes you think I don't?" she spat. Filia knew she was saying things she probably would regret, but she was too angry to care.

He stopped coming towards her. "I thought you said we were friends," he said quietly.

She whirled to face him. "Well, Xellos, that's because I thought we were, but I guess I was wrong, so we might as well be enemies again!"

"What makes you think you were wrong?" he asked, seeming subdued and almost a little bit sad.

She hopped down off her rock and began pacing furiously. "What makes me think that, Xellos? Try the way you left without a word this morning, try what you said to me later, try the fact that you never, ever are willing to let me close to you even for a moment! You and your damned pride, Xellos! I hate it! I wanted to be your friend, I don't like seeing you so angry and upset, so I try to help, but there's no point if you won't let me through those damned barriers you've got around yourself! Do you honestly think I would hurt you, Xellos?? What are you so afraid of??!!"

Her tirade finished, Filia turned and began to walk off.

"Filia, wait!" Xellos called out.

Filia stopped walking, but did not turn. She heard footsteps, and after a few moments his hands closed around her shoulders in a light grip. Light enough for her to break away from him, if she wanted to. Filia was about to do just that, but he spoke quietly. "Hear me out, please, Filia. Then, if you're still angry, I won't keep you. All right?"

She hesitated, then nodded, not looking at him. "All right," she said, staring at the stars that filled the blackness of the night sky.

Xellos sighed. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he told her quietly. "I got impatient. It's my fault, not yours. I just . . . I really don't like having Lina and Valtierra here. My plans were worked around two people, a Mazoku and a Dragon. Val and another Mazoku I could deal with, but Lina Inverse is a loose cannon and always has been, and she's gotten worse over the last few years. She's much too unpredictable; having her here is going to cause problems, I know it. I'm sorry I've been so snappish. I was quiet this morning only because I was thinking; it wasn't an insult."

Filia was silent for a moment. "You still love her, don't you?" she asked finally.

She felt Xellos jerk, startled, and she turned around. "Well? Don't you?" she demanded, when he didn't answer.

Xellos sighed, and looked at the ground, and Filia suddenly felt very bad for mentioning it, but she refused to back out now. Xellos let his hands drop from her shoulders.

"I-- I'm not sure. I think I still do, but the nature of it has changed. Does that make sense to you? I don't desire her anymore, but I still want to protect her. What I see her doing to herself hurts me. So . . . I guess I still love her, in a way, but I'm not in love with her anymore. Do you see the difference?"

Filia nodded, and allowed herself to smile, since he wasn't looking at her. "Yes, Xellos, I understand the difference, and I'm glad. I don't want to be just a surrogate to you, Xellos."

He looked back up at her, something searching in his glance, and stepped closer. "Well, then, what do you want to be, Filia?" he asked her.

Filia thought about that question for a long time. Her true answer--I want to be your love--was one she really couldn't give, so she said instead, "I want to be your lover, and I want to be your friend, Xellos. I want you to trust me."

He looked troubled. "Do you trust me?" Xellos asked.

Filia gave this one some serious consideration as well. "Yes," she said finally. "I do. For this moment, at this time, I do."

Xellos smiled for the first time. "Good enough."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he hugged her. "Will you trust me?" she whispered in his ear.

She felt him sigh, and he buried his face in her shoulder. She was quiet, waiting patiently. At last, he whispered, "I will try, Filia. I will try."

"Good enough," she told him, and kissed him. They kissed for a long time, it seemed, but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, or a minute at most, because they were interrupted yet again.

"Filiaaaa! Filiaaa!" Lina was calling. Filia broke the kiss reluctantly, with a foul thought for Lina's timing.

"What?!" she yelled back, and Xellos winced at the noise. "Filia," he murmured warningly.

Lina came into view. "Anybody seen Val?" she asked. "I was in my tent, and I thought he was in his, but when I went to check on him, he was gone!"

Xellos broke away from Filia and stalked over to Lina. "Did you stop to think that maybe he had gone to relieve himself or something?" the Mazoku asked, in a painstakingly cheery voice. "And that maybe, just maybe, he was counting on you not moving before he was finished, so that you would still cancel out his aura, Miss Lina? And that maybe you are now both plainly visible to anything nearby? And that maybe, given the circumstances, yelling is not a very good idea?"

He grabbed Lina by one arm, Filia by the other, and marched them both back to the tents. They checked for Val again, and didn't find him. Xellos muttered something in his own language and paused for a moment, then turned again and started walking, still dragging both Lina and Filia with him. "He's this way," the Mazoku muttered. "Come on, you two, and try to stay quiet!!!"

It was obvious that he was in a foul mood again. In all fairness, this time Filia couldn't really blame him. Suddenly, Xellos stopped, muttering something that sounded like a curse.

"What is it?" Filia asked, feeling herself grow cold. The night was rocked by an explosion, followed by a burst of flame.

"They're here," Xellos said simply, "and I think they've found Val, too."

Filia felt her blood freeze.